"Game of the Week."

I've been ranting about this at work a bit today, but I want to make my perturbation known worldwide. I found a couple hours to sit in front of some televised sports on Saturday, the perfect remedy for a rainy, gloomy afternoon. There were three sports on: golf, horse racing, and baseball.

I watched a bit of golf. It was fine I suppose, despite it being the 3rd round of a non-major, and despite Tiger being off his game a bit. (I did see him tear off a 190-yard 6-iron from the fairway rough, I couldn't hit a 6-iron 190 to save my life from a freaking tee. Yeah yeah yeah, Tiger's superhuman, let's keep it moving.) I turned over to FOX for the game of the week and was met by the Seattle Mariners at the New York Yankees.

[Just keep breathing, everything comes to an end...]

Let's forget the fact that because Denver is only 40 miles away, I get a fair bit of crappy NL-west matchups. I can deal with that. And I suppose I can even put up with some crappy AL-west matchups too, which often come up. But why is it that every single other game on non-cable television has to feature the [long string of expletives] Yankees?!?! Did the FOX executives not realize that the one game they got to show this week featured two losing teams?!

In the words of Pearl the Landlord, "I'm tired of this crap."

So rather than have my proverbial head bashed in by the insufferable Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, I decided to watch the Kentucky Derby. That's right, I picked a 4-hour program of people talking about horses over a Major League Baseball game. And I'd do it again. I caught the top of the 8th, luckily the only part of the game that made any difference. The Yankees pitcher had a perfect game going with only five batters to go, only to lose the perfect game, the no-hitter, and the shutout when a Seattle player launched one into the right field bleachers. There. You just learned everything you could ever want to know about that game with one simple sentence.

There were only two redeeming qualities to the brief period of time I forced myself to behold the travesty that is 21st-century broadcast baseball. 1) When the perfect game was broken up you could almost hear Joe Buck's heart breaking, and 2) The near-historic pitcher's last name was Wang. Don't judge me. That's a funny name.

It's not like FOX couldn't have found a different game to put on. How about Boston at Minnesota? The team with the best record in baseball against last year's Cy Young winner? Nah, that'd never sell. Jerks. Luckily, next week I get Oakland at Texas. Yee-haw, an AL-west craptacular showdown. I can't wait. It almost makes me want to read a book. But that would only make me more bored.

That's it from here. Enjoy your Monday and remember: Celery may be a fine conduit for ranch dressing, but it ain't like you really need it.