Attention, shapeless interweblinknetcom ether: soon I will be much more intelligent and well-read. You are on warning. I have devised a plan, lovingly deemed "the literature ascendancy," which will conclude with me being able to beat large computers at chess, discuss world history with guys wearing bow ties, and baffle even the snootiest of parties with my rapier wit. The plan:
1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
You gotta start somewhere. I'm already halfway through this one though, that's how fast I read. I know, right?
2. A Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man & Dubliners by James Joyce
That's right, I put Joyce second of the five books. Steep learning curve? Not for someone who's out to adopt a phony British accent.
3. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Bring on the Russian lit. Ain't scaring me. If I was reading this on the bus, people would look at me and be all "Dang, don't mess with that cat. He'll pull some Jedi mind-trick ish on you."
4. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
Oh, you didn't know? Betta aks somebody. I ain't even playin'. People gonna be charging money to buy tickets to sit near me at the lunch table, I'll be puttin' out so much vibe. Propa.
5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
Gotta finish what you start. This is the cool down.
Hop on board if you can handle this flava.