"4.2.08 - I look at my screen and see only blank white. I've been dancing around this empty idea for a couple hours, and it won't get any better without help. I reach for some old CAs, flip through them for inspiration. No dice. All I feel inspired to do is draw and paint, not design. I'm beginning to think that the results speak for themselves. When designing gets difficult, I reach for my pen and brush, and I almost always find joy there. Have I missed my true calling? Initially, it appears so. But if that is the case, I have no remorse over it. I can always start down another path, and this way at least I get a paycheck while I chase down what I really want to do. And this hobby really works well when it's relief from my job. I hate to imagine how it would be if it was the job from which I need some relief."
In retrospect, I really do enjoy being a designer sometimes. I wonder how many true designers would get joy from some of the stuff I'd had to do lately. But my question is this: people out there who have a job doing what you absolutely love, where do you turn when that job wears on you?
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Now playing: Melpo Mene - Dream About Me
2 comments:
I turn to depression.
My major issue as I presently see it is that I have such high expectations of myself on my core competencies that I hate to get started on my work for fear of screwing it up. That's when the thing I love starts to get overwhelming, and I turn to feeling very tired and staring off into space. I'm always looking for strategies to get out of the funk, and thankfully I pop out occasionally, but I'm still not sure why.
Yay, depression!
Ah yes, the inevitable fear of depression. I get over that by ignoring it. I figure if one out of four drawings is quality, then I've succeeded. Once you realize that your talents aren't where you think they are, it gets so much easier.*
* - I have no basis for these opinions.
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