Things I'm up on.

1. Highway message boards.
Ah, CDOT is up to its old tricks again, providing us with hip new phrases to add to our lexicon of coolness. They've had "click it or ticket" and the ever-popular "the heat is on". Now they've got a new one that they're posting on what I like to think is there own little blog, those light up highway message boards:


It's a perfect slogan, to be sure. Over what limit? The speed limit? Are they done with speeding tickets and they just throw you in the slammer now? What's going on? Ambiguity like this is what makes the message great. Plus the whole over/under thing. It's marvelous. My hat is off to you, CDOT copy writer. Once again you have proven your worth, by selecting the perfect five words. Kudos.

2. Koren Robinson
You are the man. Given twenty-four hours between Monday night's game and Tuesday night's return to Vikings training camp, you manage to get yourself arrested. In St. Peter. Now, I've also been pulled over in St. Peter, so I know the cops there are jerks. They really are. But didn't anyone warn you of this? It's kind of notorious.

Big ups for trying to outrun the police all the way to Mankato. If I were on the hook for a misdemeanor or two, I'd certainly try to up that to a felony as well. And choosing to run on highway 169, that was a stroke of genius. It's flat with no curves, that's the perfect place to make your daring escape.

Extra special big ups for falling off the wagon. You only have a lucrative football career to think about, and it's not like substance abuse has ever threatened to ruin that before. Besides, your contract is so laden with roster bonuses that being cut or suspended will only cost you most of your money, not all. You rule.

3. Rick Moranis
What's your favorite Rick Moranis movie? He's done a lot of classics. Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Little Shop of Horrors, Ghostbusters, My Blue Heaven, the Flintstones. But for my money, it's Spaceballs. Hands down. How can you pass up a movie where he says such unforgettable lines like

F@&#! Even in the future nothing works.

I knew it, I'm surrounded by a$$#(&#s. Keep firing a$$#(&#s!

1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! It's the kind of combination an idiot would have on his luggage!

Here's my Ultimate Question of the Week (a new recurring feature hopefully): Who would win in a fistfight? Rick Moranis or Steve Gutenburg?

No comments: