Us = geniuses?

Summit: I think I need to be a painter. I think that should be my next career.

Viking: Yeah, you do. It's a bold move.

Summit: And unexpected, but that's how I'll take the art world by storm.

Viking: Can I be one of your patrons?

Summit: Of course.

Viking: Nice. Someday I'll commission you to do a work with me somewhere in it as a major religious figure. That is so old skool.

Summit: That's solid. I'll make you extremely pained and suffering, just like Christ.

Viking: Proper.

Summit: Maybe in the style of El Greco or something.

Viking: I've always wanted to be an art patron. What's your first painting going to be? And what movement will you align yourself with?

Summit: I'm thinking landscape, probably aligning myself with the illuminists.

Viking: You'll have to work up a good euro-trash fan base.

Summit: Yeah, good call. And snobby New Yorkers.

Viking: Absolutely.

Summit: Sweet, I can't wait for my artistic fame.

Viking: It'll be tough to develop a drug problem later on, but that's something you can work on.

Summit: Yeah, I think I can take care of that. It'll start with hittin' the phan [tryptophan], but move to harder stuff pretty quick. I'm thinkin' horse'll be the way to go.

Viking: Yeah, good call with the 'phan. You could be the artist that brings a steroid scandal to the art community. It's all the rage.

Summit: Oooooh, I hadn't thought of that. That will help explain why my paintings are so awesome, and are completed in such short order. It'll be the first doping allegation of the art world.

Viking: They'll have to put an asterisk next to your name in all the art record books. You can deny it and they can launch a grand jury to dig up the dirt. You'll be HUGE.

Summit: Man, what a great way to get press!!! This is perfect, we have officially concocted the best PR blitz one can think of.

Viking: First step, hit the juice. Then, start painting. You'll need to make some friends at the Walker.

Summit: Yeah, the more arrogant the better.

Viking: The only real obstacle is getting that first show. Once that's done it's all downhill from there.

Summit: Well, I'd say you have to have a brief moment of great press, like maybe a year or so of really great reception. Then it starts going downhill.

Viking: Ok, yeah that's true.

Summit: The poster-child for the revitalization of art is found to be a doping fraud.

Viking: But on the juice you should be crankin' out the hits.

Summit: Yeah, for sure. I'll be in Newsweek and the New Yorker and stuff.

Viking: Yeah the more good press you get before the scandal, the better.

Summit: And then when my press starts to go the other way I'll be in people and grocery store rags. It has to be a heartbreaking fall from fame.

Viking: Wow. Us = geniuses?

Summit: Definitely. Without question.

Viking: This one is the best idea yet, and i thought we'd never top the 'phan craze.

Summit: I know, and this actually incorporates the 'phan craze, which is really the genius of it if you ask me.

Viking: Yeah, when the sordid details come out and people hear you've been abusing tryptophan, I mean that's hardcore. And it'll start the craze in high schools. And if we're really smart we'll be standing by with our own brand of the 'phan to peddle on the streets.

Summit: This goes way beyond just my life, this will change the cultural fabric of America. My art career might be in ruin, but we'll both be filthy rich.

Viking: Not to mention we get to disillusion people on art in general to a substantial degree. There's nothing about this plan that I don't love.

Summit: Good call, ruin art in the eyes of the general public, drag countless teenagers into 'phan addiction and make millions in the process. What's not to love?!

Viking: How come every one of our conversations turns into a brilliant yet extravagant way to make money?

Summit: Haha, because we're geniuses, and that's the inevitable outcome of two brilliant thinkers coming together.

Viking: Ah yes.