McDonald's ads.

I've got four ads from McDonald's that I'm raging about. I wish I could find video, but American audiences should recognize these. (Sorry, one reader from England and one reader from Amsterdam.)

1. Snack Time
This is a series, and actually the one with the basketball house makeover isn't too bad. I chuckled the first time I saw that, I'll admit. The one I'm up in a tizzy about is the one where the lady in the office is freaking about what she should wear on her date. What date? Why the one with the dork of the office, of course. She looks over at him and blows him a kiss. He does something I can only assume was dorky in "catching" the kiss and then the articulate, non-threatening African American gentleman says, "Looks like somebody missed snack time."

Maybe I'm just too sensitive to the portrayal of non-beautiful people in the media, but WTF?! First off, the guy only looks moderately dorky. Second, what's wrong with any of this? You know what message I get from this commercial? "Eat our food or you'll end up with a loser. Remember, looks are everything. Nobody has anything to offer except beauty. That dorky guy is fat, but not from eating our food. He must be rejected. Be warned."

2. Morning Person
You know the one, with the morning guy who carpools with three people who are grouchy and sleep-deprived. That is, until they hit up the McD's drive-thru and get coffee. Now everyone's happy! Yippee hooray!

I really don't have anything against this commercial. The guy genuinely pulls off happy, and we all know the type. My problem is with the part where they tout the fact that your server at McDonald's can put the cream and sugar in for you, just the way you like. You know, because they remember you from last time. Sure. They can't even get cheeseburger no onions right, I'm going to trust them with my coffee. It's so difficult to pour and stir myself, I need a highly trained employee to do that for me.

Besides, I take it black. Like my men. (Airplane, 1980)

I'll have two more this afternoon.