Week one.

Ok, turns out the Steelers had more moxie than I gave them credit for. They still won't win the Super Bowl again. And I still am staunchly asserting my Culpepper Upswing Hypothesis. He was tired last night and pretty much pooped out in the fourth quarter. The good news is that Ronnie Brown put in two touchdowns for me, I came out with 23 fantasy points on the night. The bad news is the Steelers defense was sitting on my bench. D'oh!

Well I suppose, in the shadow of my first pick of the season going horribly wrong, it's time for my uber-shallow week one picks, since Football Prophets won't be posting them anytime soon.

Tampa Bay over Baltimore
Tampa's always tough on D, and I like Cadillac Williams. Baltimore may have a decent quarterback if nobody breathes on him the wrong way, but their other skill positions need some work.

Carolina over Atlanta
The Panthers owned the Falcons last year, and I see no reason for it to change, with DeAngelo Williams adding to an already strong Carolina rushing attack and Keyshawn Johnson stepping in opposite Steve Smith. As long as Atlanta's best receiver keeps playing quarterback, they'll be on a drawn-out downward spiral. Mike Vick is most definitely not the answer.

Denver over St. Louis
I declared this a couple days ago, but let me redeclare: I am not a fan of the Broncos this year. Their fans are annoying in ways that Packers fans could never attain, they come out of the woodwork during the good stretches. They try talking trash to Steelers fans and it all sounds stupid because of the lead-pipe-to-the-knees beatdown they took AT HOME last January. That said, it'll be a couple weeks before St. Louis gels and comes out firing. This is gonna be entertaining at least.

New England over Buffalo
I want to say as little about the Patriots as possible this season, in an effort to balance the scales. Buffalo stinks on ice.

Houston over Philadelphia
Really? Yup. The Texans have a couple hotsteppin' young running backs (I know, ironic right?) and I have less and less confidence in 1. Philly's D, and 2. Donovan McNabb, with each passing day. They have to impress me before I pick them to win, even at Houston.

New Orleans over Cleveland
Reggie Bush is this year's Cadillac Williams. He'll come out scorching, then trail off through the season. New Orleans always puts in a heartfelt effort week one. This year is no different. And as much as I want to see Cleveland succeed, um... They're Cleveland. It ain't happening.

Seattle over Detroit
This isn't so much a vote of confidence for Seattle as a vote of no confidence for Detroit. (Hopefully this won't be the only time "vote of no confidence" is heard around Lions-land this year. I'm looking at you, Matt Millen.) The Seahawks better live it up while they can, it won't be long before a defensive tackle breaks through Steve Hutchinson's replacement and it's Tonya Harding for Sean Alexander's knee. I can already see the headlines. "Alexander sidelined as expected." "Madden strikes again." "Remember when Seattle was good?"

Tennessee over New York Jets
The less said about this stinkfest, the better. I just hope LenDale White breaks out huge this season.

Cincinatti over Kansas City
Sorry Paul. With Willie Roaf retired, the Bengals hold the edge on offense. And if their ball-hawking ways continue (and it looked so in the preseason), the Bengals hold the edge on defense.

Chicago over Green Bay
Ain't even close. Give up hope, Packers fans.

Dallas over Jacksonville
The Cowboys are officially my favorite circus this year. Putting Bledsoe and Owens up against a stingy Jacksonville defense is tasty simply for the sideline outburst potential. I can already taste the fines.

Arizona over San Francisco
I don't know if Arizona is such the sleeper pick that everyone thinks they are, but they're better than San Francisco. I'd really love to see Alex Smith take some gigantic steps forward this year though.

New York Giants over Indianapolis
I can't really explain why I'm picking this way. Probably just New York's home field advantage. I could go either way really, since it's not late enough in the season for either Manning to shoot their toes off yet.

Minnesota over Washington
Call this a homer pick if you must, but the Vikes got a defense that will punch you in the face. A low-scoring affair, but a strong start for the ugliest uniforms in football.

San Diego over Oakland
Duh.